My book pr0n, let me show you it.
In the past couple of weeks, I saw yet again another claim that romance novels were nothing but chick porn. I have to admit, the opinion of non-romance readers doesn’t really bother me that much. What does bother me, however, is that I always get the sense that these “chick porn” people think that women are too dumb to know what real porn is.
You know porn when you see it, right? And I’m telling you, I have seen porn. And I wish that one of these “it’s just chick porn” people would have told me five years ago when I got my first contract with Berkley that all that I needed to do was create porn, so I wouldn’t have bothered with all those fricking wasted years of writing and editing and revising and writing and tearing my hair out. For god’s sake, I’d have just taken some pictures.
Like these.
(I’m putting them under the cut because these images are NSFW.)
NO, SRSLY. Make sure you want to click before you do.
LAST CHANCE. NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR KIDS OR INNOCENT MINDS!
Okay, this is your last chance.
THAT CLICKY BUTTON FOR MORE IS ALMOST HERE.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
REALLY.
I can’t believe I’m posting this.
Real Romance Novel Porn by Meljean Brook
Oh, yeah! She's reaching in and touching herself. This must be a really, really good part!
He's going DOWN on that page! That book is so hot!
She's taking it hard from that big, thick book! He's got almost all of his 439 pages in there!
Or is that dog-eared style? Haha! Who cares as long as it's HOTT!
Oooooh, she's getting bookended! She can't get enough!
Double penetration and double pagination! Ha ha! Those sexy romance novels can keep going all night long!
Ooooooh, looks like girly needed a rest! But these two hot specimens of man-titty never run out of steam!
Ah, yeah! Guess whose kinky best friend just showed up! You'd never know she was a mousy librarian by day! Rawr!
The only thing better than one hot romance novel slut is a romance novel slut with a twin!
Mmmmm, she's going to be feeling that tomorrow!
So, yeah. No difference at all, right?
(h/t to Furniture Porn. No, I’m not linking. Google it.)
135 people have bellied up to “My book pr0n, let me show you it.”
Loved this, Meljean! After yet another remark from a relative about “those” books, I really appreciated this tonight. Very, very funny.
no cans of whipped cream or tea bags lying around to throw in?
Yes, I’m a dirty girl.
I can’t believe you brought up tea bags.
Oh my god, don’t let them touch!!!!
Why Brooke, why is that shocking? tea is so delicious!
I’m so hot right now.
OMG this just made my really horrible day!
I really needed that laugh. Thanks so much.
Oh, this is FABULOUS! You should make the images into a calendar and sell it!
O M G!!! This is an awesome response! You should make a slide show to put up on You Tube for everyone to see! This is hilarious! Super job on it.
Romance novels are Chick Pron like the owners manual for a Corvette is guy porn. These people need to get a life!
Brilliant. Period.
Meljean, you’re a genius. Truly!
And we SO need to do lunch. Maybe after the insanity of December and probably early January? Just a thought.
Those are some lewd pictures. I didn’t know books did that! Those books are dirty!
I’m shocked! Outraged! And I too vote for a calendar!!!
(Love it!!)
Too funny..man my sides hurt now.. I swear if you do a calendar it will be an instant classic…
I love your book porn! Much better than what the detracters of romance think it is.
Meljean, this is SHOCKING! Just unbelievable!
Seriously, thank you
That was all kinds of hilarious!
[...] Author Meljean Brook’s excellent response to the latest claims that romance novels are nothing but chick porn. Caution: if you like your books pure, do not click on this link! [...]
Meljean, you are a strange and twisted soul. I admire that.
LOLOL! OMG I think I just hurt myself laughing, for real. That is hands down the BEST pr0n I have seen in my entire life.
Calendar! Yes please!
Seriously. I’d buy it and hang it in my kitchen. I’m not even kidding AT ALL O_O
OMG! And to think I have a 1000 book library in my home, my goodness, and children in the home too! I must be running an orgy in there! Thanks for the great laugh of the day!
OMG!! I am falling out of my chair laughing here.
LMAO!! Meljean, I’m speechless. I’ll never look at your books the same way again! xxx
Heeheehee…aaahhhh, that was good.
Thanks for the laugh!
OK, I can NEVER look at my shelves of books the same way again! I thought they were innocent…
Calendars needed. I would buy them for all the males in my life who accuse me of overdosing on porn becuase of my love of reading.
Thank you for this I needed the laugh.
Okay, I admit, I was a little hesitant to click. This is Meljean after all…
LMAO! So, glad I clicked. Brilliant!
Meljean, we have several thousand books in our bedroom library…now I know where your Mom got those ideas… lol
OMG.
*scrubs eyes with bleach*
I can’t believe my dad just LOL’d. Daaaaaaaaad! You’re supposed to be doddering and having trouble just logging onto the Interwebs, not LOLing!
[...] follow Meljean’s “sure-to-be-a-classic” post? And if you haven’t see it, click here. And make certain you have no liquid substances in your [...]
Brilliant! I love it when pr0n is literal. And your dad’s; LOL!
*cracks up laughing and goes into a coughing fit* This certainly helps my Monday.
OMG, that is fabulous!!!
OMG, Meljean, I bow down to your humor, woman. You’re so imaginative!
lol, don’t you mean SICK?
LMAO thats fantastic!
OMG!!!! That is hysterical!!!!!!
omg!!! haha, I laughed so hard. what cool idea
That was some really funny stuff! 8D
Definitely a calendar is required!
[...] you haven’t seen Meljean Brook’s latest post at Odd Shots, you must check it out. That is some seriously funny book p0rn. Best of all…her dad left a [...]
[...] here is the explanation by the ever-awesome Meljean [...]
*sputter!*…*choke!*…*cry!*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
So. Effing. Funny. “Dog-eared style” just about made me piss myself.
You deserve an award.
Ha! Want to see what comes next in porn’s relentless march across our culture!
How about video games? “Grand Theft Porn,” “Call of Porn” and “World of Porncraft.”
Wow, what a NOVEL approach to pornication. I have to forward this to some friends now.
Okay, I have to admit, I’ve never read any of your books. Now I must go buy one–or more–because you made me spit coffee all over my laptop.
Thanks for the LOLz.
Oh, and the calender, brilliant idea! I want one if you come out with them.
All I have to say is please let me buy you a drink in Nashville!
. . . and I too want a calendar!
[...] pr0n! *g* http://www.theoddshots.com/2009/12/my-book-pr0n/ [...]
That is by far one of the funniest things I have seen in some time. The BDSM one made me hic-laugh. I am now a fan, and will buy every one of your books that I can get my hands on. This is exactly what I look for in an author!
But where’s the sound track?
I turned up the volume as high as I could and I still didn’t hear the “Yes…yes!! More, oh yeah give it to me…”
Or is that part of pOrn just a rumour? I heard about. Once.
Awesome meljean, really…
[...] Book pr0n as you’ve never seen it before… guaranteed. Not as NSFW as you might think. [...]
This was awesome!!!! I have read romance novels for years and years. . . I have never “caught” my books doing p0rn but now I know what to watch for.
Don’t see why the books shouldn’t have the same fun we do! Laugh all the way to the bank, Mel.
And Dad, too cool. Mine’s 87 and if he reads my stuff, I’ll be attending a funeral…
(sigh) Now back to the writing…
BWAHAHAHA *dies from suffocation due to oxygen loss induced from laughter*
I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. Thanks – that was inspired. I’m showing it to my husband tomorrow.
[...] More gifts! And prOn! It’s book pr0n. via James Macdonald on the Absolute Write [...]
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