Gifts For Guardians (and book giveaway)
Jill here! Meljean is, as we speak, wandering around RomCon, so she can’t blog today and asked me to take over.
*rubs hands evilly*
I kid, I kid. Sorta. But Meljean has a new book out this week and I thought we should talk about her Guardians series! The new book is about Deacon and Rosalia. And look at this cover. So purty. We loves it, preciousss. And I’ve already read DEMON BLOOD twice this month (because I’m a fangirl) and instead of reading it 3x and seeming WEIRD, I thought I’d go back to my personal favorite in the series, DEMON BOUND. I’m not sure why I love this one so much. Alice is so buttoned up – I appreciate the prim and proper heroine. Jake is puppyish and outspoken – usually in a bad way – but there’s something I love about an idealistic soldier hero.
However, in reading DEMON BOUND for the umpteenth time, I have noticed something. Alice is a chronic masturbator.
What? Yes, it’s true. In Victorian times, women went to the doctor to ‘settle their nerves’. The doctor would diddle the woman until she came, and then send her home all happy and relaxed. Part of me suspects this is why women were so high strung back then – oops! time to visit the doctor!
Anyhow, if you read DEMON BOUND, you’ll notice every once in a while, Meljean carefully slips in a reference to Alice going upstairs to ‘settle her nerves’ for the day. SHE IS TOUCHING HERSELF, YOU GUYS. I find this awesome and hilarious all at once.
And I thought…what this woman needs is a vibrator. Someone to give her a Christmas gift that keeps on giving. Of course, if we are giving her a vibrator, we’d need to give Jake viagra. Man has got no stamina.
And then I thought…what would the other Guardians get for Christmas? Or the vampires? Colin and Savi are easy – I’m thinking hair products. But Drifter? Michael? Irena?
(Irena actually probably needs something to relax her, like an alarm clock that plays ocean sounds. The woman seems high strung.)
So to celebrate the release of DEMON BLOOD, I’m giving away a copy of Meljean’s latest release! Just comment on what gift you’d buy for a Guardian to be entered to win. This contest is open internationally, of course. Comment by 11:59PM July 15 to enter.
(lord, this has been an expensive month for me, has it not? don’t tell my wallet.)
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Alice from Demon Bound – I give her the gift of Stacy and Trenton (What not to wear?) Perhaps then she might get a tad color in her wardrobe… I am all for block but a little bit of tailoring is a good thing.
I meant Clinton — sorry was talking to the boss in Trenton, NJ.
Jill, you are too funny! I don’t want to be around when Meljean actually reads this post!
I think I would give my guardian a gift of massage…by me, of course…
I would give a guardian, weapons. I think you can never go wrong with weapons. lol
My sides hurt from laughing so much. I didn’t know about victorian women going to the doctor. So uppity and high strung, and then their doctors are giving them a dose of the good medicine. Whew, okay. I’m going to be alright. My gift would be universal health care, so these ladies can go to the doctor anytime they want.
LOL! Jill, I adore you!
How about some nice bubble bath for Irena, so she can take a nice hot bath and relax?
LOL. Jill, you are too generous – I’m sure your wallet will understand.
I remember learning about the Victorian masturbation topic from “In the Next Room (aka the vibrator play)” and thinking “hey, I never knew!” Go Alice!
As for gifts, how about something random like a super Target GC – they got it all there.
OMG Jill, I did NOT know that and now I will never get it out of my head. Every fricking time I read a book and the character needs time to themselves I’ll be think they are playing with their privates. Thank you for that visual. *snort* Of course my hubs always tells me “Sex cures EVERYTHING”, or he varies sometimes and says “Sex fixes everything.” BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I would give a guardian some high tech weapons and some kick butt leathers.
That’s why the vibrator was invented: to prevent hand fatigue in physicians. I’ve read some of the old classics with quite a different perspective, after having read about the history of the vibrator – now I know what’s really going on when the physician is called in because milady has ‘the megrims’.
A versitile, high-quality knife is what I went with when I needed a gift to celebrate a special milestone in my guardian’s career.
BTW
everyone does realize that’s the ‘treatment’ Alice was receiving when her husband’s family had her tied to the bed and ‘treated’ for being high-strung, yes? It’s no wonder she had intimacy issues.
Yes, Jake actually calls the doctor “Onan’s little helper.” (Onan is a Biblical character who pulled out during sex, but for a long time it was mistranslated as masturbating.)
And how aggravating is it that when she asks her husband to do it, it’s “degrading”, but he’s perfectly fine with strapping her to a bed and letting a perfect stranger do it to her. >.<
Who knew about Victorian women and their doctors???
Gift-what every girl needs..gift card to Brighton. All sorts of accessory jewelry and purses. Gotta have a cute place to hide the knives. I’m sure the ladies will want to look good whilst kicking major booty =)
I’m not sure what one would get for a Guardian, I just got sucked into this post with that Victorian doctor comment! ohmigosh!
Duh, of course they need the gift of lube. Flavored and warming would be very helpful when one needs to settle one’s nerves.
Sorry – forgot to say – Please don’t enter me in the contest.
Victorian Doctors were serious disturbed. But aside from that, I would give Michael the gift of a family therapy session. Or maybe a year’s worth. Hell, a century’s worth.
Actually, I think perhaps, all the guardians would benefit from a therapist.
Loved the post, though, fabulous.
Ha, ha! I think the guys loved to play doctors back then
I would give them a week at the spa, to relax them and fulfil their needs…
I did not know that…..not so sure I wish I did LMAO Must go google history of vibrators.
Believe it! They had a TV show on it, I kid you not!
Very funny!
I would give scented candles, to go with the massage.
Weapons can be a very personal thing and are best created specifically for their wielder. So I’d either pay for the services of a master weaponsmaker or for the stuff needed to maintain said weapons: high quality oils, whetstones and the like.
I have no idea what to get. I have not read the books yet. Would luggage work. Guardian sounds like a traveling job
I think I would have to get Hugh a stress ball. Even though he’s not a guardian anymore… having to deal with them. *whew*
I think every Guardian over the age of one century needs a GPS locator like the one Jake uses. Or really, any “high tech” gadget like cell phones and cameras.
Not sure what I would get them, probably weapons. I knew about the Victorians. Did you know, that you could order a vibrator from Sears in the early 1900′s?
It should be manditory for all female guardians to own a vibrator. lol
For Drifter, I thought of music. His heroine would love it. (Lost her name, need to go reread the rest of the series.)
LMAO– this is hysterical. =P
I’d probably get ‘em all Ipods– they need some kick ass music during all their training and such. =)
I would get Drifter the complete collection of John Wayne movies to remind him how real cowboys are suppose to act. But I would sign Jake’s name on the gift… I’m not brave enough to put my own.
I’d buy Irena and Alejandro some fire extinguishers…It just seems like they’d need them…
wow, I haven’t read these books yet, but after the posts here, I gotta find out what is going on . I would like to win one so I am going to say a GC to Adam and Eve’s, I’m just saying….
I haven’t read the books yet, but I’d go with chocolate, a good wine, and a grindstone for everyone. Can’t go wrong with that, right?
LOL! the lesson I’ve learned from this post:
I am apparently veeery bad at reading between the lines!!
Too funny! I had no idea doctors did that! They must have loved nervous women… LOL
For the guardians – Alice could use some KY for her to help her nerves….
Also, I think the boys need a portable playstation so they can whack bad guys in their down time too!
Jill, I recently reread DEMON BOUND too and also caught that referance. It made me giggle like a little girl. (I’m not). My gift would be for kavi, she’s considered a gaurdian? I would give her a book on the history of words and modern slang…
I would give a guardian some weapons. I’m sure they could always need more of them.
Please enter me
Dang, I haven’t read any of the series…sooo A very Good Weapons sound GREAT
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I would most indefinitely give a guardian , a cheeseburger. Yeah a cheeseburger because I’m going to assume that the guardians are your stereotypical guardians that don’t get enough – just not enough of what your average humans get (sleep , food , pressure.)
Gosh….I’m still snorting coffee out of my nose! Great post, Jill
I’m not sure about the rest of the Guardians, but I would give Sir Pup a lady hellhound friend-his nerves need to be settled too, I’m sure!
Excellent post! I laughed so hard while reading it.
I think that a vacation would be a nice gift for a guardian (possibly because that’s what I want myself right now).
Ok, Guardians, warriors – I’m thinking Glock – customized bullet kit – topline laser site with silencer…sweet…
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I would gift her her own private McSteamy doctor to settle her nerves whenever necessary
Im thinking a knife that can be well concealed because thats always useful and a key to lock the door when they just need a minute to themselves to unwind.